Phrases don’t always give me the whole picture. I sometimes have to look for the hidden wound, at what someone has experienced. I have to ask why this issue seems to be a big deal to the person.
I listen for the pain, understanding that sometimes the pain doesn’t have anything to do with me. Some pain is so deep it clouds every interaction someone has. The words may just be a mask, covering the pain of hidden wound.
Learning to listen in love means looking past the things people are saying to what they might be feeling.
If I am humble, I am open to new ideas. If I am loving and sympathetic, I will not bite back. If people get angry at me, I know to look past their anger and ask, “What are they afraid of? What are they anxious or fearful about? What has hurt them?”
Even when faced with harsh words, a great listener always chooses love.
I don't always know people well enough to figure out exactly what’s pressing on their wound; nerves.
I may not be able to figure out what’s going on with their emotions. I have to choose humility and kindness instead of getting the last word. I need to give people grace instead of making my point. When people lash out or get defensive, it’s often because they’re afraid, insecure, or frustrated.
I may know the solution, but I have to learn to hold off. If I want to be a great listener, I have to listen to someone’s feelings and enter into that person’s pain.
People don’t care what I know until they know that I care. They want to feel heard. They want to feel loved. They want to feel understood.
A reminder from P Warren
02 Oct 2020
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